Resilience

I often have people ask me, “How are things?” If they are truly interested in how things actually are, there’s typically a sideways glance attached to the question. Their eyebrows are raised slightly in the center and they always shrug and nod their head slightly when they ask. It’s almost like they’re afraid to ask.…

What is a couch? Would a settee by any other name feel as comfortable? I have a thing about couches. They have to be comfortable, looks are second to comfort, but only a slight second. I got my first couch right after I graduated from college, back when I really had no idea what was…

Three hours before the fire I walked into our bedroom and woke my sleeping husband (he works overnights, or at least did, before the fire). “Hey, we have that gun safety class at 3:00. Do you want me to reschedule since you’re feeling bad or are you feeling up to it?” He half opened an…

Last Thursday was April 6th. Seven years ago on April 6th, we signed the papers for our house. We received the keys. Actually, we forget to get the keys at closing and called our realtor laughing as we realized we had to go back to the title company to get them. I remember opening the…

I am not a natural runner. My body is far from slim, my legs are not long. Gazelle-like is not how I would describe myself. I mean if I had to describe myself as an animal it would certainly be more along the lines of momma bear; fierce, strong, protective of her family, determined and…well…

I remember asking a few questions to every person the day of the fire. The first was, “How do I tell my almost 4 year old that I burnt down our house and that her dog is dead?” The other question was always, “I don’t know what to do, what happens next?” That second question…

It’s hard to scroll through facebook. I see posts about how annoying it was that the line at the DMV was long, obscure post about life being terrible, annoyances at phone issues, the weather, starbucks getting an order wrong. I read these and want to reply with, “I watched my house burned down.” Perspective. I’ve…

I’ve been having a hard time with the loss of our sweet dog Samantha. I still go over and over again in my head the feeling of cowardice for not getting to her. I keep imagining her scratching at our bedroom door trying to get away from the smoke and flame and me not being…

Before this experience I’d heard of panic attacks. I knew people had them, and they said they were debilitating. I knew I’d heard it. But I’d never experienced it. I think I mostly heard about people having them on planes. Something about being afraid of flying and being in an enclosed space thousands of feet…

If you missed it, Part One can be read here. At this point I’m still standing about 10 feet from the flames and smoke near the fence we share with our next door neighbors. I’m on the phone with the emergency operator trying to get them to send the damn fire department. I swear I…